Bellarmine Forums

The Cappuccino Thread - Frothy Refreshment
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Author:  John Lane [ Thu Jun 28, 2007 3:46 am ]
Post subject:  The Cappuccino Thread - Frothy Refreshment

This thread is where anything humourous goes - things related to the Church which are interesting, funny, quirky, or even thought-provoking, but which do not deserve their own thread title. Bits of poetry, jokes, a funny story about a priest who used to smoke enormous Cubans in the confessional. Whatever strikes your fancy.

If you have felt that so far you were not able to contribute because the subjects were a little intimidating, or just too serious, then this is the thread for you. :)

{Edit: The following is now redundant, as the thread name has been changed.}
The title is a little quirk of my own. I am naming the thread after a chap who has been a part of my life for many years now, and who has rendered me several services for which I am grateful. You need not ask who he is, or what his pseudonymous alter egos might be, because I won't be telling. He and I know, and I'm sure he will appreciate the recognition.

So, without further commentary, here's an epigram from the poet Richard Crashaw.

Two Went up into the Temple to Pray

Two went to pray? O rather say
One went to brag, th' other to pray:

One stands up close and treads on high,
Where th' other dares not send his eye.

One nearer to God's altar trod,
The other to the altar's God.

Author:  Linda [ Thu Jun 28, 2007 12:35 pm ]
Post subject:  The Model Sacristan

The Model Sacristan
On a certain Sunday the parish priest became so ill that he could not celebrate the Mass. He called his sacristan and said to him:
“Listen Pepe, I am not feeling well. I would like you to read the announcements to the people for me. Tell them that I am ill and that they should not think that they have sinned by not attending Mass today since it is not their fault. Tell them that next Thursday is the feast of All Saints and is an Holy Day of obligation, at which Mass there will be a second collection taken for the Pope. Next Friday is First Friday and there will be confessions as usual. Announce also that on Saturday, Maria and Manuel will be married and that if anyone knows of any impediments to the marriage they have the grave obligation in conscience to make it known to me. Finally, tell them that a bag was found in the church and that the owner may pick it up in the sacristy.”
A very nervous Pepe ascends the pulpit and makes the following announcements:
“Brethren in Christ: Father is feeling bad but he is not at fault so don’t worry because it doesn’t seem that he has sinned. Next Thursday will be the First Friday of the month, and the Pope will come to take a second collection. You should confess your sins to All the Saints and anyone who wants to get married should go with Manuel and Maria because it would not be any inconvenience. If anyone has any impediments, they can leave them in the bag that was found in the sacristy.”

Author:  John Lane [ Thu Jun 28, 2007 12:47 pm ]
Post subject: 

Funny, Linda! I'm still smiling. This thread is going to be good. :)

My favourite Crashaw quote, referring to the Marriage Feast at Cana: "Nympha pudica Deum vidit, et erubuit". (The conscious water saw its Lord, and blushed.)

Author:  oremus [ Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:42 pm ]
Post subject: 

A friend told me this...

The people decided that they has advanced far enough with their science and other things
that they no longer needed GOD and they decided to tell this to GOD. They told GOD they
could do anything now and so GOD replied to them okay lets us have a little test. They agreed.
GOD said "make a man" and they said "no problem that is not too hard." Then GOD reached
down to the ground and scooped up some clay. The scientists and others felt a little nervous because
they knew what GOD was hinting at ... that they would have to make the man starting with only clay.
They were not sure they could do that. But with their pride they said "no problem"
and GOD then said to them "get your own clay".

Author:  JakeRM [ Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Socrates and Xantippes

This looks as good a place to make a debut as any. :)

One who is meek does not fly into a passion, even when injustice is done to him. Socrates, the sage of antiquity, had a horrid wife named Xantippe. One day when he was conversing with his disciples seated around the door of his house, she put her head out of a window and poured out on him a volley of abuse. Socrates, however, betrayed no sign of anger. Then the woman fetched a pitcher of water and threw it over him. Even then Socrates was unmoved; he only said quite calmly: "I might have known that such a thunderstorm would be followed by a heavy downpour of rain."

Author:  John Daly [ Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Voltaire

Once at a dinner party Voltaire remarked, sardonically, "I think I've eaten as many peas as Samson slew Philistines!"
A Catholic replied, "Yes, Monsieur Voltaire...and with the same implement."

Anyone who fails to "get" this joke, needs to get his Bible out and remind himself what it was that Samson used to slay the Philistines.

BTW John Lane, the choice of the "Sheahan" name for this "wit and wisdom" thread reminded me of that wise and witty writer Canon Sheehan, but I am sure your secret comrade cannot be he, for the spelling is a little different. Perhaps they are distant cousins even so.

Author:  John Lane [ Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Voltaire

Dear John,

Canon PA Sheehan? No, a different case entirely, my friend. :)

Somebody should scan the first chapter of "My New Curate" and paste it in here just to give people a taste of that scintillating Irish wit!

Author:  AMWills [ Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:28 am ]
Post subject: 

Our future generation. I hope I'm gone before they take over :)

Below are some answers to GSCE exam questions that are claimed to be that of 15-16 year olds in the UK:

1. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

2. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

3. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

4. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

5. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

6. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

7. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

8.Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

9. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

10. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.


Author:  John Lane [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:30 am ]
Post subject: 

A Dominican priest was waiting for a bus, deeply immersed in meditation.

Another would-be rider, seeing his white habit, said, "Hey Father, what's up with the white robe?"

The priest, somewhat annoyed at having his meditations disturbed, said, "It's Dominican habit."

After a brief silence, the man replied, "Dominican, huh? Hey, I went to a Jesuit high school. The priests there wore black robes."

"Mmm..." the Dominican said, trying valiantly to resume his meditation.

After another brief pause, the man said, "So, what is the difference between the Jesuits and the Dominicans, anyway?"

Thoroughly annoyed by now, Father snapped, "The Dominicans were founded in the 13th century to combat Albigensianism. The Jesuits were founded in the 16th century to combat Protestantism."

The priest returned to his meditation. Just as the external world was fading from consciousness, the man asked, "So tell the truth, Father, which one do you think is better?"

"Well", the irritated padre snarked, "You don't see any Albigensian churches around, do you?"

Author:  John Lane [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:34 am ]
Post subject: 

Fr. Joseph Collins doing an impersonation in Boston last year. :)

Holy Father Joe

Author:  Linda [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:  An Episcopalian Bishop

An Episcopalian Bishop landed at La Guardia airport and asks the cab driver (an Irishman) to take him to “Christ’s Church.” The cabby takes him to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. The Bishop says, “I said to you very clearly; take me to” Christ’s Church.”
This isn’t the place!” The cabby replies, “Yer excellency, if He ain’t here, He ain’t in town!

Author:  Penrod Schofield [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 2:10 pm ]
Post subject:  How many monks does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Dominican, a Jesuit, a Benedictine, and a Franciscan were in chapel together one night singing Compline. All of a sudden the light went out.

The Dominican began to speculate on why the light went out.

The Franciscan praised the poverty of not having a working light bulb.

The Benedictine just kept chanting the Psalms from memory ...

And the Jesuit went and changed the lightbulb.

Author:  JakeRM [ Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:16 am ]
Post subject:  Cardinal Bellarmine

The distinguished prelate, Cardinal Bellarmine, once had occasion to visit a certain prince. In the antechamber, where he was kept waiting for a long time, there were several paintings of nude figures, which offended against one’s sense of modesty and propriety. The bishop was very indignant at this display of indecorous pictures; but when admitted to the great man’s presence, he did not allow his displeasure to be perceived. Only when his interview was ended, he said: “One thing more; may I venture to recommend some individuals to your Highness, who are destitute of the most necessary garments?” The prince expressed his willingness to comply with the cardinal’s request on behalf of the needy poor. As he took his leave in the antechamber, the cardinal turned, and indicating with his hand the objectionable pictures on the wall: “Those are the poor creatures of whom I spoke,” he said, “who are in need of clothing; they must have suffered greatly from the cold in winter. The prince smiled, and took the saintly prelate’s reproof in good part; the paintings in question were removed from the walls of the antechamber.

Author:  Ardmacha [ Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:52 am ]
Post subject: 

Does anyone know any other verses for a poem about Religious Orders ; the only verse I know is:
Dominicans live on a diet of beans,
And if you have tried it you'll know what THAT means,
They're wonderful men with the gift of the gab,
They're fond of Aquinas and Father McNabb"

I hope that the road to heaven is accompanied [sometimes]with laughter,maybe it's one solution to the "crisis".

Author:  AMWills [ Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:33 am ]
Post subject: 

An Irish priest and a Rabbi are involved in a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.

The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"

The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"

The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."

The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."

The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"

"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

Author:  Penrod Schofield [ Wed Jul 04, 2007 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Cardinal Bellarmine

JakeRM wrote:
“Those are the poor creatures of whom I spoke,” he said, “who are in need of clothing;"

That reminds me of what the Curé of Ars once said when he saw a painting of a woman with a low-cut dress. "She looks like she's on her way to the guillotine." His remark also had its intended effect.

Author:  Dominic07 [ Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Asked and Answered

"Now that remark of mine," said the minister during the debate, "is a truism; it cannot be disputed."

"Oh! indade?" said Pat.

"Yes," said the minister, patronizingly; "and do you know what a truism is, Pat?"

"A true 'ism,' is it? Shure! Catholicism!"


Author:  Linda [ Tue Jul 10, 2007 6:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Religious Orders (continued)

The Jesuits live on a diet of stew.
Their intellects are brilliant, their Theology, New!
If you ask one a question, his answer is the same.
Ignatius must wonder from whence comes their name.

Author:  Alex Keene [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:18 am ]
Post subject: 

Holbrook Jackson: In a beautiful city an art gallery would be superfluous. In an ugly one it is a narcotic.

G.K. Chesterton: In a real one it is an art gallery.

Author:  John Lane [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Asked and Answered

Dominic07 wrote:
"A true 'ism,' is it? Shure! Catholicism!"

Oh, how my friend Robert Sheahan would love that line! :)

Author:  John Lane [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:48 pm ]
Post subject: 

For a change from the humour, here’s a story with a bit of wisdom about the Eighth Commandment.


In a Michigan court of law, a man was suing for damages on account of injuries alleged to have been sustained in a railway accident. The shock of the collision, he claimed, had rendered him totally deaf in one of his ears. The lawyer for the railroad company approached him, and placing his watch case near the injured ear, demanded if he could hear it tick. The plaintiff replied in the negative. The lawyer then placed the watch case near his other ear, and putting the same question, received in reply an emphatic affirmative. Turning then to the jury and opening the watch case, the lawyer cried out “Gentlemen of the jury, what think you of the claim for damages of a gentleman whose hearing has been impaired, forsooth, but one of whose ears is still so sound that he can hear a ticking in an empty watch case?” Needless to say the man lost his case.

Ah, what a case. :)

Author:  JakeRM [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Eighth Commandment and the Internet

This story ought to give us pause for thought, especially in this day and age when email and the internet are tools which seem to be all too easily abused. I shudder to think how hard would it be to rectify years of emails, forum and list postings!

The Nobleman Who Slandered

He who will not repair the injury he has done to his neighbor’s reputation, cannot obtain forgiveness. A Spanish nobleman went to a man of high repute for sanctity, in order to consult him about a doubtful matter. “ Not long ago,” he said to him, “ I was in the company of several persons of rank. The conversation turned upon a lady of high birth, whose virtue and purity of life were universally praised. Wishing to give myself importance, I maintained the contrary, and made as if I were acquainted with certain secret and grave misdeeds of the princess in question. Since that time my conscience has given me no peace. I have come to you for advice and consolation. The holy man addressed a few questions to the nobleman, then he said plainly “ Nothing can be done ; you cannot be forgiven.” The nobleman went away in despair. He resolved to go to Salamanca, where there was a famous university, and where the ablest and most learned theologians of the day were to be found. To them he related the whole story. This was the answer he received “Every sin can be expiated by penance ; therefore yours can be. What you have to do is either by word of mouth or in writing, to inform every one who was present when you calumniated that lady that your statements were untrue. After that, go to confession.” But to this the nobleman would not consent ; he told the theologians that his reputation and his rank alike forbade him to acknowledge himself to be a liar. “In that case,” was the reply, “the holy man you consulted was right when he declared that nothing could be done for you, and you could not obtain forgiveness.”

Author:  Dominic07 [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 3:02 am ]
Post subject:  Secret jealousy

From a spiritual book.

“And it came to pass,” says St. Luke, “on the Sabbath as He went through the corn fields His disciples, pressed by hunger, plucked the ears and did eat, rubbing them in their hands.” The law expressly allowed this to be done (Deut. xxiii); but the Pharisees, who prided themselves on their exact observance of the sabbath day, condemned it as a crime, saying, “Why do ye that which is not lawful on the sabbath days?”

APPLICATION. It is easy to see through the cloak of zeal under which the Pharisees tried to hide their jealousy; and everyone condemns and detests their conduct. But as this hideous passion easily finds access into the hearts even of religious, we should see whether we can discover any marks of it in ourselves. The following are some of them: Narrowly to observe the conduct of those we dislike, to spy out their actions, relate their slightest faults with malice and exaggeration, to judge them harshly, to put an evil interpretation on all their actions, even their intentions. Find out from these signs what you ought to think about yourself.

CONSIDERATION. The accusation made by the Pharisees was likely to bring discredit on the disciples, and to strengthen the people in an erroneous belief. Our Lord therefore enlightened them, defended His disciples, and put their accusers to silence. “And He said to them, have you never read what David did, and they that were with him?” And then He continued: “The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath; therefore the Son of Man is Lord of the sabbath also.”

APPLICATION. We should learn from this that we may keep silence when personally attacked, but not when the glory of God, the rights or doctrines of the Church, or the welfare of our neighbours, are in question. To be silent then, when we can answer the accusation, would be a withholding of the truth, and cowardice, and would in some cases cause us to share in the guilt. “There is,” says the Wise Man, “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” Happy is he who has learnt this wise discernment, and rules his life accordingly. How have you acted? Have you not been generally more prompt and eager in defending your wounded self-love than in supporting and defending the cause of God?

CONSIDERATION. Our Lord, wishing to let the Pharisees see that He could read the secrets of their hearts, and that He well knew they were actuated by jealousy only, said to them: “If you knew what this meaneth, I will have mercy and not sacrifice, you would never have condemned the innocent.”

APPLICATION. Let us take care never to deserve a similar reproof; never to speak or act from secret malice hidden under the garb of virtue; never to observe the letter rather than the spirit of God’s commandments and our rule; never to be harsh and unmerciful in our judgements of our brethren, blaming and condemning them on slight grounds or by appearances only. Examine yourself on these points, acknowledge and lament over the faults you may have committed; and that you may not fall into them again, beg earnestly of our Lord to increase in you paternal charity and humility.

Author:  Crusader [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:37 am ]
Post subject: 

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a
letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had

Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the
window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp
post below.

Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of
paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it
out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled
expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door,
insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting.
Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

"What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming
Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1."

Author:  AMWills [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:24 am ]
Post subject: 

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. The boy, however, is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest crosses the road, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, young man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

Author:  John Lane [ Sun Jul 15, 2007 12:39 pm ]
Post subject: 

Edward Leen, Why the Cross?, Sheed & Ward, London, 1938, pp. 214, 215. This is a devastating description, but of course is meant with all sympathy for such part-persons.


Life is bound to prove a disappointing adventure for those who, through a weak yielding to their emotional and imaginative impressions, tend to substitute feeling for thought. Such persons develop minds that are but a passive reflection of phenomena. They are unable to transform a fact into an idea. They have no power to synthesise their experience into a judgment. They see only what meets the eye. Their determinations are but an automatic response to external stimuli. Their views are mere emotional reactions to outward circumstances. They are at the mercy of every fashion. Their impressions are without analysis and their reflections without comparison. Their observations are a query and their wisdom a platitude. Their sayings are an echo, and their lives a quotation. Recent times have been prolific in the growth of this type of human being. Their mentality is that which, in the jargon of the day, is described as bourgeois. It is marked by a smug self-satisfaction and is very resistant to spiritual impressions. The deep things of existence always elude this bourgeois mind. Such a mind merely touches but the fringe of reality. It is shallow, without individuality, lacking in noble ideals and unspiritual. The bourgeois type drifts through life without discovering itself or its God or even the world in which it passes its days. The rapid increase of men of this kind has made of the world a spiritual desert. “With desolation is all the land made desolate, because there is no one that considereth in the heart.” (Jer. xii, 11.)

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:45 pm ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

Dear John,

Life is bound to prove a disappointing adventure for those who, through a weak yielding to their emotional and imaginative impressions, tend to substitute feeling for thought.

This is spot on, and goes far in understanding the fundamental attacks on the Catholics trying to " run the race until the end" . The modern pop culture excels at " enabling" our emotional and imaginative thoughts to reign supreme, If we allow it.

Look at the consumer advertisements in every publication , and on TV. The music lyrics that are blasted constantly, encourage a " surrender" to the carnal, the here and now, instead of eternity.

Thanks for posting that excerpt, it is a good reminder for us all.

In Xto,

Author:  eliz carroll [ Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:41 pm ]
Post subject: 

:lol: AMWills, that joke cracked us up!

Author:  Crusader [ Wed Jul 25, 2007 3:23 am ]
Post subject: 

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey". Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:22 am ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

Well, I can finally weigh in on this thread. It took much searching to find something funny in these dark days. So, without further adieu, here is my contribution.... ( Beware, you are now entering the giggle and chuckle zone! )

" The Faithfulness of Pope Benedict XVI as Seen Through the Eyes of Protestant Michael Horton " :P

By Robert Sungenis, Ph.D.

R. Sungenis: "Protestant Michael Horton, whom I know personally and have debated on two occasions, has done the Catholic Church and Pope Benedict XVI a great service. Dr. Horton has traced the theological history of Pope Benedict XVI as it was formulated by the then Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger. In his attempt to show how distant Pope Benedict XVI is from Horton’s Calvinistic-Reformed theology, Horton shows us all the places in Ratzinger’s writings in which the Cardinal was adhering to the traditional beliefs of the Catholic Church, and at no time does Horton show any place where Ratzinger has departed from those beliefs. I, myself, did not realize how faithful the Cardinal has been to Catholic doctrine, and I thank Michael Horton for renewing my faith in the pope once again. "

All I can say is :) :lol: :lol: :lol: :P :wink:

So this novus ordo pundit is now resorting to a protestant in order to renew his faith in benedict as a true pope and catholic, yet, once again??? :)

Sorry, but I am still laughing ! And I do not mean this in a hurtful way. Honest !

Author:  Janel [ Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:19 am ]
Post subject: 

That is very funny Vincent.

You reminded me of a book called "Rome has Spoken" in which two feminist nuns document how Rome's past teaching differs from what comes from Rome today. Obviously, their arguement is that of the modernist and they praise the revolution. But I had never seen such a well put-together book full of documentation and explaination with no attempt to reconcile real Catholicism and its counterfeit.

Why is it that the far out modernists can see that it is not the same religion, and admit it?

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Sat Aug 11, 2007 8:07 am ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

Dear Janel,

Truth be told, I would say benedict in my humble view is a modernist with " lutheran" tendencies :) Since of course Norton has shown that he is not a reformed Calvanist :) :) What a mad tea party :)

In Xto,

Author:  AMWills [ Sat Aug 11, 2007 9:08 am ]
Post subject: 

Janel wrote:
Why is it that the far out modernists can see that it is not the same religion, and admit it?

I think someone must have pick-pocketed their free V2 kaleidoscope - the hermeneutics of continuity - during the clasp of peace. :)

Author:  Rogelio [ Mon Aug 20, 2007 3:25 pm ]
Post subject: 

Do you know colombian writer Nicolas Gomez Davila? He has a book of just phrases that is called something like "Notes for an implicit text". I don't think there is an English edition, that's why I ask if you have heard of him.

I like his phrases a lot. Yesterday I was reading some of them and I found one that I just thougth I had to post here, and I guess this is the right tread(?) to do it.

I'm translating it from spanish here, so I just hope it sounds good in English...

"The religious problem is getting worst everyday because the faithful are not theologians and the theologians are not faithful".

Author:  Brian Kenny [ Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:42 pm ]
Post subject: 


Author:  John Lane [ Mon Aug 20, 2007 10:10 pm ]
Post subject: 

Rogelio wrote:
Do you know colombian writer Nicolas Gomez Davila? He has a book of just phrases that is called something like "Notes for an implicit text". I don't think there is an English edition, that's why I ask if you have heard of him.

Never have, but I like him already. These quotes are marvellous. What a penetrating mind!

Author:  John Lane [ Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Venerable Francis Libermann

A story from "Star of Jacob" - a fictionalised life of the Venerable Francis Libermann, a Jewish convert and founder of the Congregation of the Immaculate Heart of Mary and re-founder of the Holy Ghost Fathers. Wishing all a wonderful feast of the Immaculate Heart today, and I hope you enjoy this little tale. :)

Note: *‘The Two’ are two foreigners who first put the initiative into Ven. Libermann to start the Congregation of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

He was very practical, was Father Libermann, agreed the two*, as comforted if also crestfallen, they left him to join the strolling band which Jean Robert was leading that day.
There were others, too, at the Solitude who had found the humble acolyte to be “very practical.” Chiefly, the Superior. On the day following Francis’ conversation with the two friends, Father Mollevaut, waiting in his office to see the acolyte, was reflecting how he had discovered it quite by accident. He smiled now as he recalled the event which had “promoted” Libermann into the post of the seminary’s favourite commissionaire. Francis had been at Issy for more than a year before anyone had dreamed of considering him fit to conduct business negotiations—until that summer day’ three years ago.
The Superior could see the scene as though it had been enacted but yesterday. He had been annoyed, he recalled, when the cook had reported that the seminarian commissioned to order a cartload of vegetables from the public market in Paris had forgotten all about it. There would be none on hand for the next meal, and there was not time to send anyone back to Paris. In his perplexity he had glanced out the window and his eye had chanced to fall upon the slender figure raking the lawn. Calling Francis to him, he had directed him from the open window:
“Go to the nearest farmstead and buy a quantity of vegetables—cabbages, onions, beans—as many as the farmer will sell. They do not like to sell to us, preferring to take their products to the city market. So the farmer will try to charge you a very fancy price. You will just have to pay it, for the cook is desperate, with nothing for dinner!”
“What would they cost in the city market, mon père?”
“A hundred francs—that is the amount I’m giving you— would be sufficient to buy a generous supply. But I doubt if you will get barely enough for one meal, especially if you deal with our neighbor, Pierre Olivant. Moreover, you will have to ask him to deliver them at once, as there is need of haste.”
With some misgivings he had watched Libermann start down the path toward the gates. His step was firm; but would he be safe, he wondered, even on a country road? Murmuring a prayer for him, Father Mollevaut had retraced his steps to the office, only to find an urgent message calling him at once to the village. So it happened that within ten minutes, he too had started down the path. As he approached the gates, he could hear a lively dialogue taking place just beyond. He recognized the quiet, amiable voice as Libermann’s, and the rapid, excited tones of the other were vaguely familiar. Then he had come upon an odd sight.
A farmer’s cart headed toward the city had lost a wheel just opposite the seminary entrance. Pitched at an angle, most of its produce was strewn in profusion across the dusty road. The old horse, released from his harness, was placidly munching the grass at one side; and the plump Pierre Olivant in his linen smock was casting forth imprecations as he stooped to gather into a heap his good vegetables. Francis was smilingly helping him. The Superior remained unobserved, watching the scene.
“Just as I was on my way to draw a fine price for these in the city market!” bemoaned the farmer. “Now I shall have to walk into the village for the wheelwright. Even if he can come at once, it will take time to replace the wheel—and I will have lost my place in the market.”
“What do you expect to make from this load, once you get to the market?” asked Francis casually, as he carefully dusted off a fine cabbage.
“A good deal more than a hundred francs,” avowed Pierre. “But if your place in the market is gone?” questioned the other sympathetically.
Pierre clutched his head and gave loud vent to his distress. “Mile diables!” he cried. “That’s just it! I always have the best position. Now I shall have to snatch whatever is left. It will not he desirable, I can tell you that!”
“It’s a great pity,” said Francis consolingly. “You will probably be very late, too, getting home.”
Pierre clutched his head again.
“And oh, how my old woman will scold! Late, and with less in my pocket than she expects.”
“My poor friend,” sympathized the acolyte, tossing a sheaf of onions onto the heap. “I should like to help you.”
“No one can help me now but the wheelwright,” complained the farmer, as he made to start off down the road. “Wait a moment,” said Francis. “What would you think if you were offered sixty francs for the load? For the seminary, that is—”
Pierre stopped as though hit by a shot in the back. Wheeling about, he cried with a look of mortal insult:
“Sixty francs? Are you mad, my poor Abbé? I’m not in business for charity!”
“It’s a pity that you cannot recognize a good offer,” said Francis quietly, dusting his hands from the last cabbage. “Our Father Superior might be generous enough to pay sixty francs, even if there is damage—as there certainly is here.”
“Damage!” shrieked Pierre, his body taut as from a death sentence. Then attempting a slow dignity, he had swaggered back to the heap. “Why, there’s not a blemish!”
Carefully he picked up a cabbage in such a manner that the bruise did not show. “See! It’s flawless!”
Francis shrugged. “Sixty francs,” he said indifferently. Pierre walked over to him and shook his finger under the thin, ascetic profile.
“I can get twice that much in Paris, this very day. Do you take me for a simpleton?”
“Arriving late? And your place gone?”
“You are only trying to torment me!” shouted Pierre. “I tell you, I will get more than twice.”
“And had you thought, my friend,” suggested Francis, “that you may have to wait some time for the wheelwright?”
“You are only trying to make me miserable—you, a man of religion!”
“Just think—how easy to dispose of the lot here. You would not even have to deliver them. Our young men would carry them in.” “But sixty francs! It’s robbery!” He turned his back determinedly and started off again. Suddenly he paused, turning a reluctant head.
“Surely the seminary is not so poor? Surely you could offer more? Men of religion should be ashamed-—”
“Tell me this,” interrupted Francis, how much will you have to pay the wheelwright?”
“All of ten francs,” almost sobbed Pierre, “for he, too, is a robber.”
“Thank you, my friend,” smiled Francis. “But I have an idea. We have a wheelwright at the seminary, a very skilled one. Now, as you say, the job is worth ten francs—”
“I did not say it’s worth ten francs,” exploded Pierre. “I said the robber would charge that.”
“Exactly,” soothed Francis. “Now, if the Father Superior were to be very generous and offer you sixty-five francs for the load, and we were to repair your wheel without charge— thereby saving you ten francs—that would really make your profit a total of seventy-five francs, would it not? A very handsome offer for a load of damaged vegetables.”
Pierre seemed suspended in a misery of doubt.
“Such a hot day for that long walk,” commiserated Francis. “But the other way, you could have your cart mended while you wait. And think how you will surprise your wife by an early return. And how pleasant she will be, as you drive into the barn the richer by seventy-five francs.”
“It’s piracy, but I surrender,” sighed Pierre, sitting down by the roadside. Then he quickly added: “But you will not carry the vegetables off until I see my cart repaired!”
“But naturally not,” assured Francis, as he started for the gates. “I will return at once with our man.” “And remember,” called out Pierre in virtuous tones, “1 only consent to this because you serve le Bon Dieu!”
Francis turned and said solemnly: “But, of course!” He did not permit himself to smile until his back was again turned.
Just within the gates he ran headlong into the Superior. Europe’s most distinguished Greek scholar seemed to be having difficulty. Bent over, he was coughing violently into his handkerchief.
“I hope there’s nothing wrong?” asked Francis solicitously.
“Nothing, nothing,” said Father Mollevaut, his face very red. “I got to coughing just as I heard you conclude your bargain.” His lips twitched, and then, much to the surprise of Francis, he had burst into an open laugh.
“Excellent!” he had said. “Now go fetch Denis to mend that wheel!”
So on this October day the Superior was still chuckling at the recollection when Francis knocked at his door.
“Here is the list, commissionaire,” he said genially. “Look it over and see if you have any questions.”
Francis read it aloud rapidly: so much oil for the lamps, so much soap, so much meat, so many vegetables, so much wine for the altar, so many candles—
“Tomorrow is the Feast of St. Simon and St. Jude,” interrupted Father Mollevaut, “and several men are coming from Saint-Sulpice for a day of recollection. They will be with us for dinner. Many will walk with the bands in the afternoon. So, if you have any money left,”—he thrust a handful of notes at Francis—”you might buy some cakes. The sort the young ones like. Although, with the list I’ve given you, I really can’t see how there will be anything left.” Francis counted the notes carefully. “There will be something left, mon père,” he assured the other.
“I don’t doubt it,” agreed Father Mollevaut with a broad grin. “That’s why I’m sending you. Who was it who taught you to bargain, anyway?”
Francis was forced to laugh.
“I believe, mon père, that I was taught by a long line of ancestors.”
“An ancient and distinguished line,” said his superior. “I could do with a few more of you here!”

Author:  JakeRM [ Fri Aug 31, 2007 3:16 pm ]
Post subject: 

That's a great story!

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:29 pm ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

This is reported to be a true story..

Subject: A Tale of Two Houses

House #1 A 20 room mansion ( not including 8 bathrooms ) heated by
natural gas. Add on a pool ( and a pool house) and a separate guest
house, all heated by gas. In one month this residence consumes more
energy than the average American household does in a year. The
average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400. In
natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the
national average for an American home. This house is not situated
in a Northern or Midwestern "snow belt" area. It's in the South.

House #2 Designed by an architecture professor at a
leading national university. This house incorporates every
"green" feature current home construction can provide. The house is
4,000 square feet ( 4 bedrooms ) and is nestled on a high prairie in the
American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal
heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the
ground. The wa ter (usually 67 degrees F. ) heats the house in the winter
and cools it in the summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or
natural gas and it consumes one-qua rter electricity required for a
conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected
and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from
showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then
into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land
surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area
enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville , Tennessee; it is the abode of
the "environmentalist" Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford,
Texas ; it is the residence the of the President o f the United States ,
George W. Bush.

An "inconvenient truth".

Author:  TKGS [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 1:04 am ]
Post subject: 

According to the "Urban Legends" website,, this is not just reported to be true, but it is actually true:

Does Mr. Bush's environmentally friendly house make him as good a Catholic as Benedict XVI? It seems that environmental issues are becoming much more important in the Vatican of late.

Author:  John Lane [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 1:24 am ]
Post subject: 

TKGS wrote:
Does Mr. Bush's environmentally friendly house make him as good a Catholic as Benedict XVI?

"W" dresses more conservatively, and he has probably sent fewer souls to hell. :?:

Author:  KenGordon [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:50 am ]
Post subject: 

John Lane wrote:
TKGS wrote:
Does Mr. Bush's environmentally friendly house make him as good a Catholic as Benedict XVI?

"W" dresses more conservatively, and he has probably sent fewer souls to hell. :?:

I doubt that. Were you aware that over 50% of the U.S. troops in Iraq are Catholics? The next largest group are Baptists.

I believe that GW is far ahead of that fool, Al Bore, in the number of souls he has sent to hell.

Author:  John Lane [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:38 am ]
Post subject: 

KenGordon wrote:
I doubt that. Were you aware that over 50% of the U.S. troops in Iraq are Catholics?

No, why is that?

KenGordon wrote:
I believe that GW is far ahead of that fool, Al Bore, in the number of souls he has sent to hell.

Sure, but I was comparing him to J. Ratzinger.

Author:  KenGordon [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:54 pm ]
Post subject: 

John Lane wrote:
KenGordon wrote:
I doubt that. Were you aware that over 50% of the U.S. troops in Iraq are Catholics?

No, why is that?

I have no idea, but I do know it is a fact....and a pretty disgusting one too, in my opinion.

KenGordon wrote:
I believe that GW is far ahead of that fool, Al Bore, in the number of souls he has sent to hell.

Sure, but I was comparing him to J. Ratzinger.

Ah! Then you are correct, and I am wrong. Sorry!

Author:  TKGS [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:07 pm ]
Post subject: 

KenGordon wrote:
I doubt that. Were you aware that over 50% of the U.S. troops in Iraq are Catholics?

Could you tell me your source for this? I was in the U.S. Army for many years and found that Catholics (that is, anyone who remotely claimed affilliation with the Catholic Church) were a definite minority, and a fairly small one at that. Where did you obtain this information?

Author:  KenGordon [ Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Catholics in the Iraq

TKGS wrote:
KenGordon wrote:
I doubt that. Were you aware that over 50% of the U.S. troops in Iraq are Catholics?

Could you tell me your source for this? I was in the U.S. Army for many years and found that Catholics (that is, anyone who remotely claimed affilliation with the Catholic Church) were a definite minority, and a fairly small one at that. Where did you obtain this information?

I read it once from a URL sent to me in an e-mail, then I read a different article on that same subject somewhere else on-line. Neither source was particularly "Catholic".

I'll dig through my old e-mails and attempt to find the source(s).

I'll also set my oldest son to doing some research on that subject: one of his hobbies is demographics and he is quite good at it.

When I was in the Army back in 1960 or so, Catholics were definitely in the minority. I think in my company at Ft. Knox's radio operator training school, there were three: myself, a very nice Cajun kid from Louisiana, and one back-slider. :)

Author:  John Lane [ Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:26 am ]
Post subject:  W.S. Gilbert in a den...

Hon. Joseph H. Choate tells a story of W. S. Gilbert, the dramatist and wit, who, one day, while lunching at a country club, found himself surrounded by six or seven clergymen who had been on a motor tour of the country thereabout. Pretty soon the author of the Mikado was drawn into conversation. When his identity was known one of the clergymen asked Mr. Gilbert how he felt "in such grave and reverend company."

"Like a lion in a den of Daniels," was the reply.

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:22 pm ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

Did I miss a meeting? :) :) Why the name change?

In Xto,

Author:  Myrna [ Sun Nov 11, 2007 2:33 pm ]
Post subject: 

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Author:  John Lane [ Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:31 pm ]
Post subject: 

Vince Sheridan wrote:
Pax Christi !

Did I miss a meeting? :) :) Why the name change?

A change is as good as a holiday. :)

Author:  John Lane [ Sat Nov 24, 2007 10:54 am ]
Post subject: 

This is a good thought for traditional Catholics on this feast of St. John of the Cross.

From, "The Secret of Sanctity of St. John of the Cross," by Fr. Lucas of St. Joseph, O.C.D. (Bruce, 1962), p. 51. Fr. Lucas was martyred by the Communists in Spain in 1936.

There are many religious, as well as Christians in the world, who are far removed from the teachings of the Gospel even though they consider themselves better than those who surround them. They not only believe that the only correct way of interpretation is their own but that their actions are the most efficacious means of every good work. The truth is that such egotism and pride supersede any good intentions the person might have, destroying the quality of his actions completely, as the victim becomes increasingly aggressive toward those who hold contrary opinions. This form of supposed good intention is the most powerful weapon the devil can use against the friends of God to disturb and undermine peace and charity within the monastery walls. Such souls would be horrified if they could be made to realize that their so called virtue is nothing more than a refined form of pride, yet it is precisely this pride which permeates and motivates many of their actions. If they could be convinced that the devil himself not only inspires many of their good actions but also takes extreme delight in the state of their soul, they could no longer persist in the error they may have lived in for many years. The glory of God may have occupied the first place in their words but it was the last place in the innermost recesses of their hearts. Thus each supposed act of virtue, which in reality was an act of pride, merited nothing for eternal life. St. John [of the Cross] verifies this truth when he says, “There are many Christians in our day who may have certain virtues and perform great actions, yet they merit nothing for eternity since they did not seek the honor and glory which belongs to God alone, but rather the empty satisfaction of their own wills.”

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Sat Nov 24, 2007 8:33 pm ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

Comments made in the year 1955

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."

Author:  Brian Kenny [ Sat Nov 24, 2007 9:20 pm ]
Post subject: 


Author:  AMWills [ Thu Nov 29, 2007 11:26 am ]
Post subject: 

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said
solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are prepared for it?”

“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a organised a caterer."

“I don't mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”

“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “Home brew and a case of whiskey"

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:28 am ]
Post subject: 

Pax Christi !

From a post on AQ ( of all places) I can not only read this word for word, but they lifted my writing style and spelling too !

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the
hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the
ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is
taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can
sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the
huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but
the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs
forwrad it

Author:  AMWills [ Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:23 am ]
Post subject: 

Etarxodrairny, Vcine!

Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Cappuccino Thread - Frothy Refreshment

Pax Christi !

Well here is a bit of fun news, at least this film exposes the facisit element of Darwainism. As we all know, Darwinism to survive breaks the very scientific rules that are supposed to lead to a proper conclusion.

Ben Stein Wins Intelligent Design Award for 'Expelled' ... led%27.htm

By Katherine T. Phan
Christian Post Reporter
Mon, Feb. 18 2008 01:03 PM ET


Author:  paxus [ Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Cappuccino Thread - Frothy Refreshment

Here's a nasty old real Irish ditty from a book (!) of such, so please take it in frothy humor.

'Tis sad to see the sons of learning
in everlasting H-LL fire burning... :shock:
while he that never read a line
doth in eternal glory shine!

Author:  John Lane [ Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Cappuccino Thread - Frothy Refreshment

paxus wrote:
Here's a nasty old real Irish ditty from a book (!) of such, so please take it in frothy humor.

'Tis sad to see the sons of learning
in everlasting H-LL fire burning... :shock:
while he that never read a line
doth in eternal glory shine!


Author:  Vince Sheridan [ Mon Mar 17, 2008 1:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Cappuccino Thread - Frothy Refreshment

Pax Christi,

With the coming of that grand day o wearing the Green, I wanted to share 2 serious but educational sayings my grandmother borught over from Ireland,

" A man is a man when his woman is a woman"

" A sea wind changes less often than the mind of a weak man"

Nana- requiem in pace, and thanks for teaching me this.

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